Consequences Harry Potter Style
by Profs. N.Q.Quillix E.Nuvios
Summary: What could possibly happen when Professor Snape turns drug barren? Over the top security, a shameless use of restricted substances and sex you misbegotten pimp!
1. Disclaimer

Consequences – Harry Potter Style

This is perhaps an unfortunate consequence of two bored teenage girls, a new pad of paper, and a Harry Potter obsession _obscenely unhealthy._

I suspect that everyone knows the age-old game of consequences, but if you've forgotten – _here's a reminder_.

_His name._

_Her name._

_Where they met._

_What he said._

_What she said._

_What they did._

_And finally - the consequence of their actions._

Of course you pass these round a group covering over each contribution until what you have left makes no sense!

Professor Nuvios and myself cannot be held accountable for the obscenities that issue fourth – well we can – but meh…

**_Disclaimer_**:  This is a **GIANT** disclaimer… since this encompasses the entire load of chapters… mini fics.

**None of the characters in this belong to us.**  Most of the characters and scenery etc. belong to JK Rowling.  The _Woe Kitten_ belongs to the dude of www.rathergood.com - Tales of Blode part two… you shall see the evil that is the _Woe Kitten_… it's frightening… go see, go fear… _WOE UNTO THEE!  _

Hype – the wonder drug belongs to **_Grindylowe_**, who I would guess is on it right now… I know I would be… wee!  Go read her stories, they rule!  Read _Death Eaters at the Malfoy Estate!_  So funny!  

These stories – since they were written from an unplanned plan contain extracts and hints from films that also had to be included since the idea was to include everything that was on the folded crappy scrap of paper.  Hence lines from Red Dwarf, the Karate Kid, Plunkett and Macleane, and of course… MONTY PYTHON!

We beg – **SUE US NOT!**  We only wrote these _for a laugh!_

Let the Games Begin… 


	2. Pan Pool Party

**_Original Consequences follow the Prose._**

_Where Could Severus Snape possibly be?_

A pool, cowering under a chair and taking illicit mixtures – again!  Banana bum-bun anyone?

**Pan Pool Party**

It was just another day at Grimmauld Place for Molly Weasley, she was cleaning the Doxys out from the portraits and threatening to burn Mrs Black's portrait if she dare utter any more of her disgusting insinuations. 

Other people were able to have fun, Severus Snape was out in the garden, floating on a pool the others had made during the summer.  I'm floating down easy street on the lilo of life, he thought.

Molly was like the swallow of summer, a cascade of purples as she strived to sort everything out.

Severus lazily led, sunglasses on, a leg lazily lopped in the water, he was reading a book.  'How To Master Your Own Evil – A Guide To Changing Sides.'  It had to be said he wasn't wearing a lot, just a baggy pair of black shorts and a pair of sunglasses – I believe I've said before.  Anyway he blinked in the sun, he'd not seen a lot of it all year.

Molly – while indoors prepared a Pumpkin Pie and Banana Buns, that no matter what she did always ended up looking like buttocks.  She knew that aside from her Professor Snape was the only one on the premises.  Better ask if he'd care to join me for some Pumpkin Pie, she thought.

She proceeded to the garden, and looked over at the pool where Severus Snape looked relaxed for once.

"Professor Snape," she called.  "Care to join me for a spot of lunch?"

He glanced up at her over his black shades and then back to his book.  "No thank you," he muttered.

"Please Severus I'd hate to waste it."

"I'm not hungry," he said dryly.

"Well at least humour me," she said sounding irked.

"Look!"  He snapped.  "I tried to do this the polite way!  I despise your cooking, there I said it!"  Her mouth hung aghast.  "Quit hounding me you old bat!"  She glared at him. 

Without a word she drained the pool of water.

"Really!"  He snapped.  "I'm warning you!"  The she transfigured his glasses to be a giant slug.  "Stop it!  No!"  He yelped as she turned his shorts into a small black thong – he went beetroot red.

"God Damn your ass is hot!  Did I ever tell you your ass is hot, because your ass is **HOT**!!"  She whooped as he rushed from the pool into the house and put his robes back on.  "Now Snape – take back everything you said about my cooking!"  She snapped while frying an egg in the kitchen.

"I most certainly will not!  Not after that display!"  He growled.  She looked more menacing than before.

"Take it back!"  She said.

"No!"  He snapped.

"All right!  That's it!"  Mrs Weasley, normally a composed middle-aged woman had lost it.  She threw the egg onto a plate, drained the fat and proceeded to chase Snape around the kitchen beating him with her pan.  "How dare you insult my cooking you monster!"  She wailed, he cowered under a chair, he figured she wouldn't stoop that low.  "You may be a potions master but you don't have a monopoly on cooking you know!"  She continued.  Eventually the only way he could discover to calm her was to agree to eat Pumpkin Pie and Banana Bum-buns until he popped.

He searched his robe pocket for something, anything to make this less annoying.  Hype – he'd found the solution.  He slipped some into Molly's drink and then some into his own.  Soon after they were both spouting complete rubbish and giggling oddly together.

What happened next I cannot say since the parameters of Fanfiction.net do not allow me to explore such perversions.

**Original Consequences**

Severus Snape [okay it's getting obsessive – so sue me!]

Molly Weasley [get a hold of yourself you're a married woman!]

Floating down easy street on the lilo of life.

"I told you before I despise your cooking!  Now quit hounding me you old bat!  *Glares* "Really - I'm warning you!  Stop it.  NO!"

"God Damn is your ass hot!  Did I ever tell you your ass was hot, because your ass is **HOT**!"

She chased him around with a frying pan.  "How dare you insult my cooking you monster!"  She wailed – he cowered under a chair.

They had a feast of pumpkin pie and banana bum-buns, they got high on hype and spent the rest of the night giggling oddly together. – The rest is censored because fanfiction.net is just too kiddie now.


	3. The Master and The Addict

_What could possibly happen when Professor Snape turns drug barren?_

_Over the top security, a shameless use of restricted substances and sex you misbegotten pimp!_

The Master and the Addict

Severus Snape, Potions Master, Slytherin's house Master, Death Eater, Spy and general sex on legs was taking a stroll.  His black travelling cloak billowed out behind him.  [Can you see him? Isn't he sexy?] His black hair swept out around his head, the wind was making him feel good.  Like he was cool, that he could do anything and when that happened there was only one thing he could do – strut! [Cue 'Voodoo Child' by Jimmy Hendrix]

Nymphadora Tonks, [a little cartoon of her is shaking her fist and wailing, 'TONKS!  TONKS!'  Okay Tonks, just plain Tonks!  Jees!]  Was sat under a bridge in the dark and out of sight when above her she heard a sure-footed stride on the bridge above her.  It was accompanied by an echoic version of Jimmy Hendrix's 'Voodoo Child' following a tall dark figure down the road.  She made a small squeak of joy. 

Severus turned to face her and approached the bridge; she scurried back to her seating on a fallen branch and changed her appearance to a Nymph, her namesake, a naughty sex driven imp of immeasurable radiance.  Severus appeared under the bridge and looked at her.  She smiled.

"ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US."  He said in a mechanical voice – Tonks returned to normal… zapped him and realised this was a robot Snape.  _Damn_, she thought.

"Ah," a dark voice from behind her said.  "I have caught you with my double you vile temptress!"  It was the real Snape.

"Gosh!"  She exclaimed gawping at his amazing appearance.  "You've changed since I was at school!"  She mused looking at his large hooked nose.  "Tell me, what's it like to be that tall?"

"It's great – you get to look down your nose at midgets like you, but I'll get to business.  You wanted to purchase this ah… substance."

"For my exams in Auror training – you understand?"  She smiled.

"Yes I understand, but I am wondering about my payment.  What could an urchin like you offer a man like myself?"  He threw his travelling cloak to the floor and arced an eyebrow.

"Oh I say!  That's a little forward!"  She piped.  He leaned against the wall of the bridge and smirked.  "But who am I to object," she said leaning up against him like she was going to pick something up from the wall behind him.  "You've got something I crave," she breathed lunging for him and drawing him into a passionate kiss.

She took a step back and looked at him, her old Potions Master had stirred something terrible the first day he agreed to help her.

He took a step forwards and 'accidentally' tripped over her robes sending them both to the floor.  He looked up, his head in her lap.  She wasn't impressed.  He flushed slightly and then regained his composure as she pushed him off but he merely rolled back again then got o his feet pulling her up with him effortlessly.  He then swept her off her feet, she blushed as he whispered; "We shall be as one tonight…" in a husky voice.

After a few hours in the darkness the deed was done and he gave her the thing that she so badly craved.

"Hype," she breathed (I pinched Hype from Grindylowe – as I said before.  Her stories rule!  Death Eaters at the Malfoy Estate!  Go read!  How many times do you need instructing?!)

"Don't take too much of it my dear, I'd like to see you as a surviving member of my clientele," he hummed pulling his cloak back on.

"Perhaps I should sample the merchandise?"  She proceeded to take a sample then attempted to ravish him again – Severus didn't object.

She looked up at the stars breathing heavily and exclaimed, "H-h-h-hype rocks!"

::~::~::~::

Severus Snape [MeOw!  Gimme gimme gimme!]  Master Slytherin, Potion's Master, Death Eater – Sexiness!

Nymphadora Tonks – Tonks just plain Tonks…

Under a bridge in the dark out of sight of prying eyes – HA!

"ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!"

"Oh I say, that's a little forward!  But who am I to object *goes to get something on a wall behind him*  "You've got something I crave!"  *Lunges!*

He *accidentally* trips on her robes and falls into her lap. She looks down unimpressed and pushes him off, but he isn't giving up!  Oh no… He sweeps her off her feet and says in a husky voice: "We shall be as one tonight…"

He brewed a potion called 'Hype' (thanks Grindylowe) And they ran around spouting random words before again ravishing one another.  "H-h-h-hype rox!"  She stuttered.


End file.
